This post is an update regarding my Lughnasadh/Lammas/August 1st ritual and what I did for it, what I did during Pagan Pride Day and some of the resulting bullshit (and cool crystals), and de-paleoizing my Pagan practice. The section on Lughnasadh talks about binge eating disorder at length.
Lughnasadh
This year I've been doing pretty good at actually acknowledging all the Sabbats (which I went through a long period not doing), although I have been shit at remembering Esbats exist. This year's personal ritual I used to try encouraging me to better live the way I want to... I have been binge-eating a lot, and have been trying to reorient myself to a different way of eating.
My binge eating has always been bad but it got worse when I was a vegetarian, so when I left vegetarianism I went the opposite direction and went paleo instead. This was a great idea at the time because it helped me understand my place in nature again, but it also required wrapping my Pagan practice around a dietary philosophy that doesn't quite fit it... a lot of Pagan observances are grain-based. In the last few years I've changed to more of a rewilding/ancestral viewpoint which isn't so strict on grain as a thing and is more focused on things like what kind of grain I eat and how I prepare it. Since Lughnasadh is a big grain holiday I took it as an opportunity to break out the ancient wheat varietals and homemade hard cider and did a ritual around that. I also started a levain (sourdough starter) so I can start making real bread again. I'm going to focus on making really traditional breads (think stuff like the Natufian breads they keep finding that result in all those insufferable "haha bread is paleo" articles, traditional flatbreads, heavily fermented sourdoughs) and focus on making them for Pagan observances moreso than an everyday thing. I'd like to look into stuff like ancient Egyptian beer, too. If I really like it, I may grow some more ancient grains than just maize, although it may be too difficult to be worth it.
The climax of the ritual actually involved sacrificially burning a processed snack cake, which I had been binging on for a while at that point. This part of the ritual... it didn't backfire, but it wound up too specific: I've still been eating pretty poorly, but looking at my one remaining snack cake I kind of want to gag. Ah well, it's a start I guess.
Pagan Pride Day
So I found out recently that I don't need to hoard vacation to make up for the elimination period week for my short term disability coming up. It was like two days away from Pagan Pride Day so I threw a request out there to see if anybody could cover for me, and luckily somebody did, so I got to go for a big portion of it.
Pagan Pride Day is generally something made for non-Pagans to learn about Pagans... which is honestly kind of crap. Pagan Pride should be for Pagans. When Gay Pride events try to pull that straight-centered shit I complain about it, but since our own Pagan Pride events have wound up attracting basically zero non-Pagans anyway I never had a need to. Anyway, ours broke from the idea entirely starting I think last year and just said, nope, this is for us.
They made it a music festival full of vendors and with workshops. I went to a workshop on chakras that I'm mulling a bit and got a few rocks I didn't have before as I do a lot of personal crystal healing.
I did find out from a friend there that her husband's workshop was actually crashed by a group of Christians handing out leaflets. It was a Laughter Yoga workshop and they were in the last portions where they're just sitting their laughing their asses off, the Christians rudely barged into the workshop space to hand out their bullshit, and it made the participants laugh even louder so in essence I guess it all worked out: The Christians left feeling like they'd done good, the participants got a punch to their laughter yoga workout.
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Saturday, August 11, 2018
Friday, August 10, 2018
Why I Left Kemetic Orthodoxy
This post explains why I left Kemetic Orthodoxy, the House of Netjer, and any affiliated programs. This is a rewrite of a blog post I wrote on Reclaiming Warlock; it's mostly the same but with some additional information and some rebuttals to things that were written in the original version.
This is by no means a topical essay, but it's something people continue to ask me who know that at one point I used to be Kemetic Orthodox Shemsu*. The main reason I feel people need to know why I made this cut is because people seem to chronically assume that I left because the House of Netjer is "a cult," and have even been asked to speak on behalf of people who have left cults. This upsets me because it mischaracterizes why I left and how I feel about the church.
If we're using the common definition of a "cult" as a dangerous, extremist, separatist, fringe religion which keeps a stranglehold on its members' lives... no, the House of Netjer is not a cult. Not even close. I never felt under any pressure to become a Shemsu (and was a rather belligerent Remetj** for most of my time there). And when I left Shemsuhood... there was very little fuss. Nobody tried to stop me. There was no guilt trip. A few friends of mine were sad about it, but we didn't stop being friends. The House of Netjer is not raking in cash from its members, despite charging for some services (these services are expensive to do, and so charging money for them is not unreasonable). It's not telling its members that they're these uniquely special people who need to cut themselves off from friends and family. In fact, I would argue that the House has resources that anybody even remotely interested in Kemetic religion will find useful; I still recommend Tamara Siuda's "The Ancient Egyptian Prayerbook" to anyone interested in ancient Egyptian religion and I still recommend the church's beginner's class. I would not do this if I thought I was risking people getting sucked into a cult.
I'm not going to go into why others consider the religion cultlike. They all have their own experiences and reasons. I do not agree with them and so any way I represent them will be slanted, so if you want those opinions you would best seek them from their own sources.
But yes, I did leave. And it wasn't a painless loss, either, like I found something I happened to like better. I was really into being Kemetic Orthodox. My Rite of Parent Divination ritual was one of the most profound things I've ever been through, as was my Shemsu naming (which is why I continue to use that name even after the falling-out I had). Friends who were around me at the time I abruptly cut off ties could tell you just how abrupt it was; literally the day before this happened I was telling people how much I loved being a Shemsu and how awesome Kemetic Orthodoxy was for me and how I was interested in looking into the priesthood if I happened to have been accepted into it, or at least Shemsu-Ankh. The next day I wasn't Kemetic Orthodox at all.
The reason was simple: I am extremely bitter about the re-organization letter of 2011. What happened was that Tamara Siuda, who is the leader and founder of the church, was displeased with the direction it was heading with regard to certain members. Some of these were quite reasonable; for example she cited having had people go through the obligatory class and then put things like thatApep (who in Kemetic belief is a 100% evil
being) is "misunderstood" and that they believe he will show up in their Ritual Parent Divination. Some of the other stuff, though, I don't believe was called
for and they seriously damaged the esteem I held for the House of Netjer. The two that really stuck out to me were these:
What Siuda wrote was essentially that she was not going to accommodate things like multiple personalities in order to give people more than one divination and one Shemsu name. She believes people have only one soul (well, one of each kind of soul), that it's a human soul, and that's that. The reason it was angering wasn't because she doesn't believe in therianthropy or multiple souls; it's that aside from some discussions on the forums, it appeared this was not an issue for most of the involved people. This was extremely hurtful to members of those communities who had no issue with only being given one RPD or with simply respectfully disagreeing with Siuda on the nature of souls, and disagreement with her had never until that point seemed to be an issue to me. After all, Kemetics are not the kind of people who believe you're going to go to hell--or a Kemetic equivalent--simply for having different beliefs.
Therians, otherkin, and multiple systems are also highly ridiculed people, and the idea that my religious leader would take the time to explicitly contribute to this problem did not sit well with me regardless of any spiritual or secular opinions I might have about them.
After this initial thought process, I went to bed. When I woke up, I re-read the email and focused on the idea of people maintaining non-Kemetic Orthodox clergy positions. This might seem reasonable at first... the whole idea of being a Shemsu is to put the Gods of your RPD first, in a Kemetic Orthodox manner, and if you're also a High Priest in a Wiccan coven there could be a conflict of interest, so sure, it's reasonable to expect people to analyze where those loyalties lie and whether Shemsuhood is for them. The real question was "Is it possible for you to both hold your Gods above all others and maintain a faith community that is outside of that?" I believe this is a reasonable question.
The problem is that Siuda herself is both the Nisut of the Kemetic Orthodox faith and a mambo asogwe in Haitian Vodou. When I remembered that, I made the decision to leave almost immediately. I like Tamara Siuda as a person, but there is only a certain amount of hypocrisy I can handle in my faith leaders, and telling your followers that being a Shemsu and clergy in another faith is unacceptable when you are the highest level of clergy in two faiths is dripping with hypocrisy. Insisting everybody except you is unable to do multiple faiths justice while you yourself are playing the role of notable religious leader, author, presenter, and researcher for two of them is just not acceptable to me.
After I realized I wasn't going to be able to reconcile that, I also could no longer reconcile things that had bugged me but not enough to make me not want to stay, things like the invention of a rite specifically designed to take your own agency out of something as personal as what Gods you worship (even if I do stand behind my own results), colonizer attitudes (declaring a white woman from the United States the "King of Upper and Lower Egypt" is a colonizer attitude), and some serious concerns I have regarding cultural appropriation.
You can have a deeply problematic ideology (and whine about some statistically insignificant fringe group like otherkin) and still not be a cult leader. So no, I don't view Kemetic Orthodoxy as a cult. I don't even think it's a bad project, for those who can put up with the more eyeroll-worthy aspects of it. It's just not something I involve myself with anymore.
* Shemsu are full members of the Kemetic Orthodox faith. These are people who pledge to serve their Parent Gods (as divined by the leader of Kemetic Orthodoxy using cowrie shells) in a Kemetic Orthodox manner first and foremost.
** Remetj are sort of "outer court" members of the Kemetic Orthodox faith. These are people who may or may not have had a divination to figure out their Parent Gods, but are not actually obligated to recognize them, worship them, or place them before other Gods.
This is by no means a topical essay, but it's something people continue to ask me who know that at one point I used to be Kemetic Orthodox Shemsu*. The main reason I feel people need to know why I made this cut is because people seem to chronically assume that I left because the House of Netjer is "a cult," and have even been asked to speak on behalf of people who have left cults. This upsets me because it mischaracterizes why I left and how I feel about the church.
If we're using the common definition of a "cult" as a dangerous, extremist, separatist, fringe religion which keeps a stranglehold on its members' lives... no, the House of Netjer is not a cult. Not even close. I never felt under any pressure to become a Shemsu (and was a rather belligerent Remetj** for most of my time there). And when I left Shemsuhood... there was very little fuss. Nobody tried to stop me. There was no guilt trip. A few friends of mine were sad about it, but we didn't stop being friends. The House of Netjer is not raking in cash from its members, despite charging for some services (these services are expensive to do, and so charging money for them is not unreasonable). It's not telling its members that they're these uniquely special people who need to cut themselves off from friends and family. In fact, I would argue that the House has resources that anybody even remotely interested in Kemetic religion will find useful; I still recommend Tamara Siuda's "The Ancient Egyptian Prayerbook" to anyone interested in ancient Egyptian religion and I still recommend the church's beginner's class. I would not do this if I thought I was risking people getting sucked into a cult.
I'm not going to go into why others consider the religion cultlike. They all have their own experiences and reasons. I do not agree with them and so any way I represent them will be slanted, so if you want those opinions you would best seek them from their own sources.
But yes, I did leave. And it wasn't a painless loss, either, like I found something I happened to like better. I was really into being Kemetic Orthodox. My Rite of Parent Divination ritual was one of the most profound things I've ever been through, as was my Shemsu naming (which is why I continue to use that name even after the falling-out I had). Friends who were around me at the time I abruptly cut off ties could tell you just how abrupt it was; literally the day before this happened I was telling people how much I loved being a Shemsu and how awesome Kemetic Orthodoxy was for me and how I was interested in looking into the priesthood if I happened to have been accepted into it, or at least Shemsu-Ankh. The next day I wasn't Kemetic Orthodox at all.
The reason was simple: I am extremely bitter about the re-organization letter of 2011. What happened was that Tamara Siuda, who is the leader and founder of the church, was displeased with the direction it was heading with regard to certain members. Some of these were quite reasonable; for example she cited having had people go through the obligatory class and then put things like that
- People were maintaining or taking on clergy positions in other faiths.
- People were questioning things based on belief in things like therianthropy, otherkin, and multiple personalities.
What Siuda wrote was essentially that she was not going to accommodate things like multiple personalities in order to give people more than one divination and one Shemsu name. She believes people have only one soul (well, one of each kind of soul), that it's a human soul, and that's that. The reason it was angering wasn't because she doesn't believe in therianthropy or multiple souls; it's that aside from some discussions on the forums, it appeared this was not an issue for most of the involved people. This was extremely hurtful to members of those communities who had no issue with only being given one RPD or with simply respectfully disagreeing with Siuda on the nature of souls, and disagreement with her had never until that point seemed to be an issue to me. After all, Kemetics are not the kind of people who believe you're going to go to hell--or a Kemetic equivalent--simply for having different beliefs.
Therians, otherkin, and multiple systems are also highly ridiculed people, and the idea that my religious leader would take the time to explicitly contribute to this problem did not sit well with me regardless of any spiritual or secular opinions I might have about them.
After this initial thought process, I went to bed. When I woke up, I re-read the email and focused on the idea of people maintaining non-Kemetic Orthodox clergy positions. This might seem reasonable at first... the whole idea of being a Shemsu is to put the Gods of your RPD first, in a Kemetic Orthodox manner, and if you're also a High Priest in a Wiccan coven there could be a conflict of interest, so sure, it's reasonable to expect people to analyze where those loyalties lie and whether Shemsuhood is for them. The real question was "Is it possible for you to both hold your Gods above all others and maintain a faith community that is outside of that?" I believe this is a reasonable question.
The problem is that Siuda herself is both the Nisut of the Kemetic Orthodox faith and a mambo asogwe in Haitian Vodou. When I remembered that, I made the decision to leave almost immediately. I like Tamara Siuda as a person, but there is only a certain amount of hypocrisy I can handle in my faith leaders, and telling your followers that being a Shemsu and clergy in another faith is unacceptable when you are the highest level of clergy in two faiths is dripping with hypocrisy. Insisting everybody except you is unable to do multiple faiths justice while you yourself are playing the role of notable religious leader, author, presenter, and researcher for two of them is just not acceptable to me.
After I realized I wasn't going to be able to reconcile that, I also could no longer reconcile things that had bugged me but not enough to make me not want to stay, things like the invention of a rite specifically designed to take your own agency out of something as personal as what Gods you worship (even if I do stand behind my own results), colonizer attitudes (declaring a white woman from the United States the "King of Upper and Lower Egypt" is a colonizer attitude), and some serious concerns I have regarding cultural appropriation.
You can have a deeply problematic ideology (and whine about some statistically insignificant fringe group like otherkin) and still not be a cult leader. So no, I don't view Kemetic Orthodoxy as a cult. I don't even think it's a bad project, for those who can put up with the more eyeroll-worthy aspects of it. It's just not something I involve myself with anymore.
* Shemsu are full members of the Kemetic Orthodox faith. These are people who pledge to serve their Parent Gods (as divined by the leader of Kemetic Orthodoxy using cowrie shells) in a Kemetic Orthodox manner first and foremost.
** Remetj are sort of "outer court" members of the Kemetic Orthodox faith. These are people who may or may not have had a divination to figure out their Parent Gods, but are not actually obligated to recognize them, worship them, or place them before other Gods.