As a trans guy, I'm really into men's mysteries, especially in groups. Being accepted into a spiritual context built for men, especially when I'm out and proud about it, is extremely validating for me, even though I support and acknowledge the need for non-gendered and non-binary alternatives for folks who need them.
Last year at Pagan Spirit Gathering was the first All Gender Ritual, an alternative to the Men's Ritual and Women's Ritual that are mainstays of the event. I considered going until I learned they were all at the same time, then after a few minutes of consideration (Do I show up to support it and hang out with my dearly beloved trans community?) I went to the Men's Ritual like I always do... because for me, entry into men's space is not just nice, it's integral to my well-being. I want gender neutral alternatives to everything, and there are plenty of men's and women's spaces that should be abolished, but in those cases where abolition isn't necessary, I want access as a man.
This is a common attitude among fully-male or fully-female identifying transgender people such as myself. One of the first trans women I ever met, when I excitedly told her that they were adding some gender-neutral restrooms on campus, scoffed "Good, that way people who are uncomfortable with me in the women's room have somewhere to go."
This was my introduction to the competing needs between different trans people. See, when I had this excitement it was long before I got hormones and long before I was able to advocate for my own access to men's spaces. Gender neutral amenities were extremely important to me. I was fully-male then, too, but would not have been able to emotionally handle demanding access to a men's bathroom or men's dorm. So I used gender neutral restrooms, I stayed on a scattered co-ed dorm, and that was what I needed at that time.
Right now in my own Pagan communities (Pagan Spirit Gathering folks, Fox Valley folks) there are a lot of attempts at creating these alternatives, attempts that I've been monitoring very closely and helping with when I can. It may seem contradictory at times, though... I support gender neutral alternatives because a lot of people need them, including:
- Nonbinary people who don't identify enough with maleness or femaleness to want a men's or women's space.
- Cisgender people who find single-gender spaces to be alienating or unnecessary.
- Cisgender people who are traveling with folks of different genders and don't want to go alone to a ritual full of strangers.
- Trans men and trans women who are not comfortable yet occupying men's or women's spaces respectively, or who hold opinions similar to those of cis people of the former categories.
As far as PSG in particular, it was not long ago at all that trans women were explicitly barred from a Women's Ritual. This led to them making and enforcing an extremely good policy which affirmed that all involvement in these rituals must be based on identity and not assigned sex. But we also need to understand and validate that there are cis people who are looking for opportunities to push or shame us out of those spaces, and gender neutral alternatives give them that opportunity to say "you don't need these spaces, you have 'your own.'"
This does not mean that these spaces should not be created. They absolutely should be. They are incredibly useful to many people. But they must always make it clear that their existence does not have any bearing on whether or not a trans man is empowered to enter men's space, and more importantly (due to the recent history of excluding trans women from women's space but not trans men from men's space), that trans women are explicitly empowered to enter women's space.
This isn't an either-or thing. You can have genderless spaces for people who aren't all about grunting in a circle or moonpie Goddess energy and also have trans people in those spaces. In fact, it's desperately important that both these things be true!
