This post talks about clothing optional Pagan events (and probably clothing optional events in general) and how to avoid making women who go skyclad/naked feel uncomfortable. A note that I gender this post--with cis men making skyclad women and trans people uncomfortable--because it's generally how it goes; the same definitely goes the other way around in such cases it exists.
A few years ago there was a high profile article going around
questioning why people stopped going skyclad to Pagan events. Decades
ago, going to these things naked was extremely normal... naked worship was a notable cultural signifier in the Pagan community. In my five years at Pagan Spirit Gathering, the only clothing optional event I attend regularly, I can count the number of people I have seen fully naked in general festival space (not counting swimming, showers, or changing in one's campsite) on my fingers, with more women going topless but still not a whole lot. There is a skyclad issue with quite modest attendance which, while full nudity is practiced during it, is done away from the main village area in the dark to make it more comfortable for attendees. People just don't do this that often.
Part of this is just a cultural shift. Festivals aren't as Wicca-centered anymore, Wiccans themselves are starting to reject the more dubious things Gerald Gardner believed in, and there is less pressure to make your body available than there would have been in the past. Basically, "change happens." But there's one reason people don't go nude at Pagan gatherings that I don't think gets talked about nearly enough: People being fucking creepy. Largely men, although I am not saying there aren't creeps in other genders.
What I want to write about here is what you can do to prevent being one of the folks who makes skyclad women feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
First, understand why somebody might go skyclad.
Too many men believe that women who go skyclad are doing it for the benefit of men, and that informs the way they behave (this will become apparent in the section where I talk about the cringeworthy practice of thanking naked women for being naked). If you see a skyclad woman and assume she is advertising sexual availability or offering herself as a convenient source of soft erotica, it will inform the way you treat her in ways that are quite frankly creepy as fuck.
There are plenty of reasons people go skyclad that have nothing to do with cis men's gaze. My first public skyclad moments were practical: It was goddamn hot outside and even if I hadn't sweated through all my shirts already on the first day, they were uncomfortable. It was a banner year for topless women, not because everybody suddenly had resolved their body issues for the week, but because it was unbearably hot.
Going nude did teach me that it is very good for my body image as a transgender person, and it's extremely validating to me emotionally. This is another very common reason women in particular might go skyclad; it is a way of claiming one's body, of throwing off the cultural shame that causes us to hide so much skin in our daily lives, and so forth.
Of course, there are also folks who do it because they do strongly believe in it as a central part of Wicca per the Charge of the Goddess--as a sign that ye are really free, ye shall be naked in your rites--and that, as well, has nothing to do with the male gaze. In fact, some of the groups that are most likely to go skyclad are woman-only groups.
So to conclude this section, remember first and foremost that other people's nudity is not about you.
Don't thank people for going skyclad.
I have seen this happen a couple times and it always gets my hackles up. The first time was the very first day of my very first PSG and somebody kneeled in front of a nude woman who was walking down the street bowing to her and thanking her profusely for being naked. I have no idea what this guy was even really thinking... it was so obviously gross.
Now, are there cases in which it is appropriate to thank somebody for being nude? I can think of a few "maybes," but none of them involve men talking to women, which will hands down come off as the man being creepy. Somebody who thanks me for being nude as a trans person because it increases visibility or makes them feel more confident in their body, or a woman thanking another woman because she really wanted to go skyclad but didn't want to be the only one are very different things to just thanking somebody for being your eye candy.
Even then, you should be extremely careful about it, because you may very well be pointing out or implying things that they don't like.
Don't stare at people.
Every once in a while somebody will bring up the problem of random men leering creepily at women, how it makes women feel unsafe, and some dude will crawl out of the depths of hell to complain "What, so I can't check someone out anymore?"
I'm not saying you can't check people out. Look, as a pansexual man, when I'm around skyclad folks... yeah, I check them out, just as I check out clothed folks. But there's a huge difference between looking at somebody, seeing they are naked, and recognizing they are attractive... and staring at them.
First, if you're looking at a skyclad person, resist the urge to dramatically make a creepy "checking you out" expression.
People do this stuff a lot. In addition to the dramatic bullshit of the guy I described above thanking a naked woman for bEiNg A gOdDeSs, my girlfriend has also encountered people who very deliberately and openly look her up and down in a super gross way. And having this happen results in discomfort that lasts, because we had to route our way around the guy who did it for the rest of the damn festival.
If you are actively looking at somebody, pardon the cliché, but her eyes are up there. Just sitting there having a conversation with somebody's tits is extremely disrespectful.
Recognize that being skyclad is for everyone who wants it.
I was looking at some forum questions regarding whether an upcoming hippie gathering was going to be clothing optional. Somebody replied "Yes, but only for women between 18 and 30 and under 150 pounds."
Christ on a cracker. Don't be this guy. I don't care if you think you're just joking, you are contributing to a toxic atmosphere for everybody who doesn't have a magazine-ready body... fat folks, trans folks, old folks, disabled folks, folks with embarrassing skin conditions, stretch marks, scars, loose skin, all are just as entitled to the freedom I quoted from the Charge of the Goddess above, and nobody should feel obligated to cover their bodies just because you are a prick.
Jokes like this, as well as expressions of disgust and gossip afterward, reinforce not only the myth that nobody finds people with diverse bodies attractive, but that people are necessarily naked for others' enjoyment rather than the myriad of other reasons one might go skyclad.
Just don't do it. Seriously.
Don't touch people inappropriately... what's wrong with you???
This one is not limited to being skyclad, it's just a particularly bad problem when people are skyclad.
This started off without the "inappropriately" because of course you shouldn't be touching people without permission... but what if it's a part of a ritual? What if somebody asks for a hug? There are times when touching is perfectly appropriate.
But like... don't do it like a creeper. If you don't know somebody who comes in for a hug, give a friendly hug-and-release... don't sit there sliding your hands on them, shoving your face places it doesn't belong, and so forth. Only touch as much as the ritual is written to have you touch somebody (and honestly, if you're writing a ritual, you should rethink having people touch at all outside of holding hands).
Don't assume politeness is consent.
Women wind up being trained--for self preservation purposes--to talk to men as if walking through a field of eggs. There is a real risk that a man will become angry or violent if a woman hurts his feelings, and although every woman knows that not all men are like this, it's easier and safer for them to just behave as if we all could snap at any minute if our egos are bruised.
Because of this, many women will not tell you if you're making them uncomfortable. They may very well even pretend that you didn't do anything wrong to avoid the above... thanking you for compliments they didn't want, not pulling away from contact they didn't want, just going with what you say or do, in hopes that you'll just stop on your own.
Anyway, that's just scratching the surface. Just don't be a dick, let women be naked in peace, and don't assume it's about you.
Happy trails,
-- Setkheni-itw
